Tips On How To Prepare For Transformers
As many of you may have learned from being a child of the 80's, knowing is half the battle...and we all know that transformers (the movie) is really a precursor to the reality that will happen in a few short years. A robot uprising will occur. Mankind will be enslaved. Don't be fooled. Why do you think they made the Matrix? They're trying to warn us! And let's no forget about that movie with Will Smith, the one with the robots. What was it called? Wild Wild West.
Yeah, so to prepare you all for the transformers that will take over the planet in the future, I have carefully studied the literature of Isaac Asimov and have summarized his key points on how to survive the robot uprising.
1) Robots Are In Disguise - Remember robots (transformers especially) are in disguise, so look out for them wherever you can. Cars can be robots, computers, desks, chairs, your house, that apple you're eating. Be careful, keep an eye out.
2) Water + Metal = Bad - Buy as many super-soakers as you can. Robots can't stand water. They will rust instantly and shut down. A small cup will be enough to do them in. They are like the wicked witch, they hate H20. So always keep a squirt gun handy filled with water.
3) Oil Drillers Are Geniuses - People who drill oil are super smart. They can become astronauts in a very short span of time.
4) Drink All The Alcohol - Robots need alcohol to survive. They can't live without it. If you have any alcohol in the house, drink it off. Don't leave a drop for robots. It will just fuel their destruction for humanity.
5) Drive A lot - Drive as much as you can. Drive everywhere. Do not stop driving. We need to exhaust the earth's oil supply now. If we don't the robots will be more powerful and lubricated.
6) Avoid Listening to Metallica - Robots thrive on bad music. Especially in MP3 format
7) Spinach - Carry at least one can of spinach around with you at all times. Spinach will give you the extra strength and energy you need to outrun the robots.
8) Support the Iraqi War - The more robotic scientists and engineers that die the better. That means there will be inferior robots who can be killed by small amounts of liquid being splashed on them (see tip 2).
9) Pearl Harbor DVDs - Keep as many as you can on hand. Pearl Harbor DVDs will scramble the robots' visual perception units and fry their internal circuitry. Don't forget to keep a portable DVD player on hand.