Women Are Stupid: Things Women Don't Know About Men

Women are extremely confused about men. They think men are like them. Fuck! NO! Men aren't your girlfriends, they're not your friend (unless they're gay), they're not your buddies. Men are fuck machines okay. And if they aren't fuck machines, they want to be.

If you're good looking, if you look halfway decent, you are not a human to a man. You're a walking talking vagina. That is how they see you. Don't kid yourself. They are perverted fuckos. They would manage an erection for you if they were dying in bed if you let them. Sex! That's all they think about. Now...here are some things you women seem to be confused about. Let me correct you.

MEN DO NOT CALL JUST TO CHECK UP ON YOU
They are not your girlfriends. They don't call just to check up on you and to make sure you're okay. Get this in your head, men don't like talking. If they say they've called just to check up on you, to make sure you're okay, it's because they want your puss. They want to make sure you're not fucking around with anybody else.

MEN DO NOT GIVE GIFTS BECAUSE THEY WERE JUST THINKING OF YOU
Men do not give gifts to you unless they want a taste of your taco. Men don't give a fuck about flowers, teddy bears, or chocolate -- it's bullshit to them. It's a waste of money. And if they give them to you, it's because they want to get you into bed.

MEN DON'T THINK ABOUT SEX EVERY SEVEN SECONDS
They think about sex every two seconds. Men are horny. They live to fuck. That's their purpose in life. Don't let some sleaze ball fuck tell you otherwise. That's just their ploy. It's a game, a con. They want you and they want your tits now.

MEN DON'T KNOW SUBTLETY
Men aren't Sherlock fucking Holmes. They're stupid. Their brains are made out of shit. So be straight fucking forward with them. Don't try to be subtle. Be straightforward with them. They don't get fucking hints. They're stupid shit heads. If you want  a guy to buzz off, don't say bullshit like "I'm not interested in relationships right now" or fucking "Maybe later." Tell them now goddamn it. Tell them to FUCK OFF. Tell them straight up, they're ugly fucks and they're retarded. Don't be politically incorrect. Don't waste your time. Let the asshole get hurt and then he can blow off his feelings on some prostitute. Be straightforward and too the point, they don't understand your subtle B.S.

IF A GUY PAYS FOR YOUR SHIT HE WANTS YOUR TITS & CUNT
Guys are shit heads. They're cheap with their cash. They don't like to give it out. If a man buys you shit it's because he wants to fuck you up the ass. This is just like the fucking gift thing. If a man pays for your "casual dinner" it's not because he's generous and you two are just fucking friends. NO GODDAMN IT NO! He wants to bang you! He doesn't pay for your movie ticket or whatever the fuck because he's just such a generous fuck. Hell fucking no. He wants you, you putz. Pay attention.

IF HE READS COMIC BOOKS OR WATCHES JAPANESE CARTOONS HE'S GOING TO STEAL YOUR DIRTY PANTIES OR SMELL THEM WHEN YOU'RE NOT LOOKING -- LOCK YOUR DRAWERS
Most men (geeks especially) are desperate for puss. They will do ANYTHING to get close to it. Even if that means smelling or stealing your dirty panties they'll do it. So lock your fucking clothes hamper and keep an eye on them if you want to keep your panty buying budget down.

NO FRIENDLY TOUCHES
Please, if you want to avoid getting raped, don't be a flirty whore. Men are perverted fucks I told you. If rape weren't against the law they'd run rampant through the streets with their dicks hanging out. Fuck man, fuck. Don't tempt those knob hangers. There is no friendly touch to a man, only a "let's fuck" touch. They don't know how to read your fucking signals. They're stupid. Don't pat them on the ass. Don't sit on their lap. Don't touch their hands, don't touch their chests, don't touch their anything -- unless you want to get horned in your cave.

NO WOMAN IS OFF LIMITS
Men will fuck your mom, men will fuck your sister, men will fuck your daughter...There is NO woman off limits. As long as they're attractive or halfway decent, a guy will fuck her if he gets the chance to. Oh and don't fucking think that because you "know him well" he'll layoff whoever the fuck you please. A man's penis is a speeding train, you can't stop it unless you're fucking Superman.

DON'T GIVE MEN COMPLIMENTS
Avoid giving compliments to men -- especially about their physique. Don't try to be nice and cheer them up okay. Men have egos the size of wedding cakes. If you give them an inch they'll take a fucking mile. Do not give them compliments. They'll think it means you want to spread your lips and let their sausage fly straight in. Be careful about what you say to them. Take caution. Men, if they like you, will read too much into it and think they're the apple of your fucking eye.

MEN EAT JUST TO EAT
Dinner to men is not time for chit fucking chat. It's time to eat. If they pay attention more to you than their food it's because they can't eat you. And if they can eat you -- get a fucking room. Don't get jealous over a man's bowl of spaghetti. When he's chowing down there's nobody else. It don't matter if you're the Virgin fucking Mary. Just be at peace with this trait. Men like to eat as much as you like to get fucked with chocolate syrup.

IF HE TALKS TO YOU FOR MORE THAN A MINUTE
If a guy talks to you for more than a minute (not via instant messaging) he wants to spread your wings like a baby eagle. Oh don't shit yourself. Men are not interested in the time you found a fucking bargain at the Old Navy. NOBODY FUCKING DOES. Women do not have interesting conversations. They talk about stupid bullshit. You should know this. You should also know if they talk to you for more than a minute they want to fuck you.

YOU'LL HAVE TO BE HIS MOM ONE DAY
If you intend on marrying and having kids, try not to get pissed off because you have to clean up after his shit like his mom.  Don't even waste your breath saying, "Hey fuck face clean up after yourself, I'm not your mom!" Face the facts lady. You're his fucking new mom. Don't kid yourself. the only reason you married him was so he could provide you security and money, and the only reason he married you was so you could clean up after him and fuck together every now and then. This is probably the hardest pill to swallow for bitches, but you will be his mom one day.

FACE THE FACTS LADY! FACE THE FACTS!

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